


Human Again

by LilacSolanum



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/M, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Murder, Past Child Abuse, aximili is a great human, eggsitting, fun 90s tropes, naomi berenson loves funfetti and pepsi, ride or die shorms, robot babies, shorm date, shorm date with robot babies, shorms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-11
Packaged: 2018-10-15 04:40:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10550230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilacSolanum/pseuds/LilacSolanum
Summary: The kids have been given a mission from Erek King, but also have to deal with raising mock babies the school has given them. Meanwhile,  Tobias faces his past.





	1. Like A Real Human Does, I'll Be All That I Was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cavatica](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cavatica/gifts).



“C’mon, Tobias, everyone knows this song!” said Rachel, smiling, her beautiful blonde hair haloed by the afternoon light. She held a wooden spoon full of vanilla batter to my mouth as if it were a microphone. I shook my head.

It was a Thursday evening and I was at Rachel’s house, in human morph, wearing actual clothing, watching her move around the kitchen. Alanis Morissette moaned out of the radio. It was one of those stubborn October days, when autumn was officially here but summer wasn’t quite done baking the Earth. Central air pumped through the house, chilling and stale, smelling vaguely metallic. It was the sort of day where humans hid inside, too uncomfortable in the thick heat to do much more than watch bad movies on cable. It was great weather for a hawk, terrible weather for a picnic. 

Avoiding a picnic is exactly why Rachel and I were in her kitchen, baking on a 105 degree day, listening to Top 40 radio at Rachel’s preferred volume (which was, of course, turning the speakers up as loud as possible.)

She shook the spoon at me emphatically while “You Oughta Know” hit it’s iconic chorus.

“No way,” I said.

“Why not?” she whined, tugging at my shirt. It caused the inside seams of my shirt to rub against my skin, which I’ve always hated, but I didn’t say anything. I was too busy dealing with a fluttering heart. An actually fluttering heart, not just the idea of it, not just the metaphor. My fist sized heart was jerking against my bones, all because Rachel touched my shirt. She tugged at it again. “We have the whole house to ourselves! No one will ever hear you!”

She was so beautiful when she was like this. Normal. Playful. Her eyes seemed even bluer, her lips even softer. In my real body, I could still recognize her beauty, but it was easy to forget just how absolutely stunning she was. As a human, I _reacted_ to her beauty. I flushed. I was breathless. I loved it. I hated it. I smiled and shook my head.

“Nope,” I said. Outside, a wren chattered. I jerked my thumb at the window. “See? That’s Fred. He’s my buddy. He’d never let me live it down.”

She pushed at me, lightly, pouting. I flinched in response, then laughed.

“No!” she said, pointing at me. “No dumb jokes.”

“You’re right,” I said. “I would never hang out with a songbird. No way. They’re so annoying. It’d be like hanging out with Marco after he chugged, like, a gallon of Mountain Dew.” 

Rachel laughed and pushed at me lightly. “Stop! Listen, we have the entire house to ourselves, and we’re gonna be normal. I didn’t risk life and limb faking sick to get out of Uncle Steve’s dumb reunion thing, just to have to sit around and listen to you talk about fake bird friends.”

“Therefore, baking,” I said, nodding to the messy bowl in Rachel’s hand.

“Yep, baking,” agreed Rachel. “Mom can’t be mad at my remarkable recovery for too long if she comes home and sees I’ve whipped up sugary funfetti. My mom has a major sweet tooth. Besides, she didn’t even go. She’s at work. She’s not really a Berenson anymore, and she’s just as creeped out at Uncle George and Aunt Ellen as I am.” Rachel shivered.

After Saddler’s remarkable ‘recovery’ was immediately followed by the discovery of his dead body, Rachel’s aunt and uncle had turned to religion in the worst way. They were apparently on the verge of joining some cult. Jake’s dad, Steve, was desperately trying to bring them back to reality. 

There was a lot of baggage attached to George and Ellen’s situation, especially for Rachel and Jake. I totally understood why she was avoiding them. When she told me her plan, I went for it, even being in Rachel’s house as a human was seriously nerve wracking. I’m in her bedroom as a bird a lot, and that’s really all I know. Seeing the rest of her house as a human was this total trip. Like, Rachel’s room is this separate, special world. The rest of her house is just regular reality. It has a lot of rooms, and is so big I could almost get lost.

She needed me, though. Rachel carried the weight of David more than anyone, more even than Ax, who was at least Andalite enough to separate himself from David’s fate. She didn’t need the reminder. She didn’t need to see George and Ellen. She said she needed time with me instead.

I’m not good with touch or with comfort, but I knew Rachel enough to understand that’s what she wanted. I took her hand in mine. “Your family is really loving and stable,” I said. “You guys will all make it through.”

She gave a small and bitter laugh. “Sure,” she said, unconvinced.

“Seriously!” I said. “Even though your parents are divorced, your dad’s side of the family is still inviting you and your sisters to events and stuff. Jake’s parents are always concerned about where he is, which, you know, sometimes sucks with what we do, but is also really sweet. Ellen and George and all their kids will move on, because people like Jake’s dad will show them the way.”

Rachel smiled at me, slow and honest. “Even after all that’s happened,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper, “You’re still so sweet and optimistic.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say sweet,” I said. “I murdered a baby bunny just this morning.”

Rachel faked a gasp. “Not Thumper!”

I nodded. “Yep. I ate Thumper.”

Rachel laughed. “You know exactly what to say to get a girl going,” she said.

I think I was smiling. Rachel was looking at me weirdly, then she gave me a warm grin. The song changed. Some bouncy Mariah Carey tune. I wasn’t sure which one, they all basically sound the same.

I guess the death of beloved children’s characters really does do it for her. She leaned toward me. She smelled of butter and vanilla. I tensed. I looked at the clock. “I don’t even have a half an hour left in morph,” I said.

“That’s more than enough time,” purred Rachel.

I shut my eyes.

Rachel loved sex. It allowed her to be her truest self, a wild and raw thing, naked and writhing and animal. Sex brought her closer to nature than morphing, I think. As soon as I got my human form back, she craved it. She gave me a few months before she started kissing me, and then it was just a few more weeks until her hands found places I had barely even touched myself. For her fifteenth birthday, she told me she wanted nothing more than to have me inside her. I did my best. She seemed satisfied, but I felt sort of panicked.

When you’re not in a human body most of the time, you’re not really ready to deal with all the signals the body sends to you. It’s like eating nothing but rice every meal, then suddenly eating a rich, chocolate cake. It’s not really that’s it all bad, it’s just all so unexpected. My body fires off in all these weird ways, all at once, and I can’t sort through all the signals to find the pleasurable ones. I like it, sometimes, when Rachel slows down, but she rarely does. When I say no, or when I say stop, she listens, but she gets mad, _especially_ after a big battle. Every now and then, she gets _really_ mad. 

It can be hard, being in love with Rachel Berenson, but I think it’s a lot harder to love me. I try to meet her in the middle, when I can, because it’s the least I can do.

She rest both her hands on the counter, palms pressing down hard against the brand new, too white countertops, and she leaned forward. I closed my eyes, and braced myself for her kiss.

Then, suddenly, Sara burst into the kitchen, a six-year-old tornado of energy and noise.

“I smell cake, I smell cake, I smell — who are you?” she said, shouting the last words with the same excited cadence she’d been using for the cake.

I looked at Rachel, who was so pale, she could have probably faked sick again. She was looking around nervously. “You guys aren’t supposed to be back until, like, eight! Mom’s supposed to still be at work! How’d you get home?”

“Tom drove us,” said Jordan, who was leaning against the kitchen door and smirking.

“It pays to have a cousin with a license,” said a voice that I hadn’t heard very often, but would always recognize regardless. Tom waltzed into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I didn’t even have time to stop myself or think, I just threw my arms out as if they were my wings, ready to fly. He pulled his head out of the fridge and looked at me. I couldn’t really read his expression with my human eyes, but I’m pretty sure he thought I was totally nuts. I couldn’t blame him. 

I stared back at him, my expression completely blank. Of course, it always was, or so I’ve been told.

He cocked his head at me.

Jake walked into the kitchen. He paused, then made his way toward us. His expression I could totally read. It was a mix of disapproval and amusement that he normally reserved for Marco.

“Oh, hi,” he drawled.

Jordan leaned against the kitchen door. “Man, Rachel, your fever went away so fast, and then also turned into some guy.” She nodded at me. “Hey, some guy.” 

“Hi,” I said flatly.

She blinked at me, then looked me up and down, as if she were appraising Rachel’s mystery man. I doubt she liked what she saw. Me, stone faced and anxious, too skinny and too awkward, dressed in the Gap’s finest. If Jordan ever thought about the sort of boy Rachel would bring home, she probably had never visualized me. Jordan looked back at Rachel. “What are you going to give us for keeping this under wraps?”

“An ass kicking,” hissed Rachel, which just made Jordan laugh.

“Do you guys have any Pepsi?” asked Tom. “Mom’s on another sugar ban and I know Aunt Naomi has a stash.”

“She has a mini-fridge in her room she thinks we don’t know about,” said Jordan lightly. “Seriously, Rachel, we have some major negotiations on our horizon. I’m thinking zero chores. Ever. For a month.”

“Shut up!” said Rachel.

“Who are you?” Sara asked me.

Everyone was talking, all at once. Voice after voice after voice, all loud, all overlapping. I shrank into myself, keeping my arms tight against my torso, hating how big and bulky and strange I was. I saw Rachel looking at me, and she put a hand on my shoulder in concern. It didn’t help.

Surprisingly, it was Tom who took control. He looked at Sara and Jordan. “Whoever steals me a Pepsi first gets five bucks.”

The girls squealed and ran off immediately. 

“Pipsqueaks,” he said, with a fondness that was absolutely chilling when you knew what he was. Then, he looked at me. He looked at me for a long time. A really long time. I’ve never been great at reading expressions, especially if I barely know a person, but it was almost like Tom was studying me, searching me for some hidden clue to a bigger, grander theory I didn’t understand.

I tensed.

He thrust out a hand. “We met before, right? You’re one of Jake’s friends? You were in his room, he wasn’t for some reason? Probably taking a massive shit.”

“Ew!” said Rachel. “You’re so gross, Tom.” Jake just rolled his eyes.

I looked at his hand a moment, marveling at how well Rachel and Jake relaxed into Tom’s false persona. They had to see Tom more than anyone, especially Jake, and I wondered how they managed to keep their cool. It was probably because Yeerks were very, very good at what they did, and both of them had known Tom since birth. All they had to do was let go of that part of their brain that knew, and just react to Tom like they always did. It was a lot harder for me. Still, I grabbed his hand with mine. I shook it. As always, my face was blank.

He squeezed it, almost as if he was trying to be reassuring.

“You need a ride?” he asked, his eyes boring into me. Now that he was closer, I could see just how similar he looked to Jake. They had the same eyes, like identical twins, only where Jake’s were serious and haunted, the Yeerk’s eyes were fierce and calculating.

It was seriously terrifying. The only thing that was saving me was my inexperience as a human. I matched his gaze with my own, forcing all the hormones and adrenaline down. “Nyah,” I said. “I live pretty close.”

Tom didn’t budge. “So do we. It’s no big deal. C’mon, dude, you better leave soon. Don’t push your luck with this little date.” He jerked his head toward Rachel. “Aunt Naomi’s fucking scary, man. I should know. I spilled cranberries on the carpeting one Thanksgiving and man, oh, man. That woman can yell.”

Rachel crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn’t thinking about the Yeerk in Tom’s head, rifling through Tom’s memories and coming up with the perfect anecdote. She was just reacting to her cousin, and her own easily accessible memory of the cranberries. “I can handle her,” she said. Then, she looked at me, and spoke softly. “But I should probably start on my homework.”

That was code, more or less. It meant I should demorph and meet her in her bedroom.

“I’ll walk,” I said, pushing myself away from the counter. I winced when my blood-heavy feet met the floor, sending dull pain through my body.

Tom looked me up and down. “Seriously,” he said, almost sounding impatient. “It’s no skin off my back. Let me drop you off.”

“He said he doesn’t want a ride,” said Jake, pushing Tom a little. “We’re missing the game. Let’s go.” He shrugged at me when Tom’s back was turned, looking just as confused at Tom’s sudden kindness as me.

Sara and Jordan returning, giggling and each holding a can of Pepsi. Tom ruffled their hair and gave them each fives. Tom and Jake left. Rachel shooed Jordan and Sara out the kitchen, kissed me quickly, and then I left, too.

I walked aimlessly for a while, ambling around Rachel’s neighborhood. I had a good twenty minutes left in my morph, and I really liked where Rachel lived. It was definitely one of the nicer blocks in the whole city. Rachel’s family weren’t totally mega-loaded, but they were close. A couple of these houses were brand new and super modern. They looked as if they were made from giant glass Legos. It was neat.

I found myself walking toward my favorite house. It had this really angular, really cool sculpture out front, with lots of lush grass and flowers that probably cost a ton just to keep up. When I lived with my uncle and he was being particularly annoying, I’d go out for really long walks, and I’d often make my way all the way over to this neighborhood just to see this house. At night, they lit up the sculpture with soft blues and purples. It was gorgeous. I’d stop and stare at it, sometimes. I’d imagine what I’d be like to grow up in that home, with a family that had such cool taste. They probably did really stupid things together, like read books out loud instead of having a game night, or go to art galleries as a group. I bet they had really cool names like Isolde or Rowan. 

I slowed down in front of the house to take in the view. Next to me, a car slowed down, too. I turned and tensed. It was Jake’s family’s car.

Tom jumped out, leaving the car on idle. I could see Jake in the passenger seat. I couldn’t quite read his expression, but his body seemed tense, and he was unbuckling his seat.

<Chill,> I told him in thought-speak. <He probably just wants to give me a Sharing pitch.> I mean, I was a weird, quiet kid with a bird-of-prey like stare who had a (kind of) strong and (mostly) healthy body. I was basically a Sharing dreamboat.

Jake slowed, then relaxed. He kept his eyes on us, though.

“Hey,” Tom said. He looked at me, carefully, calmly. He was standing a little taller now. His forced teenaged swagger had been replaced with true confidence. He studied me, and then he said, “They just went ahead and shoved you into a human, huh. No Gedd training at all?”

The only thing that saved me in that moment was my inability to look surprised.

A Yeerk thought I was one of them.

I felt my feathers rise, but then I remembered — they weren’t there.

“Yes,” I said. At this point, trying to deny his theory would have been more dangerous than rolling with it.

Tom’s Yeerk clicked Tom’s tongue. “A shame. Things have really gone to shit these days. Listen, whoever you are, you have _got_ to relax. I know it’s a lot to take in, but if you don’t chill out, people are going to notice something is wrong. Alright? Shape up.”

Cold sweat gathered at my neck.

I nodded.

The Yeerk squinted at me. “You’re in the Fangor boy, right?” he asked.

Another thing I couldn’t really deny. I nodded again.

“Good,” said Tom’s Yeerk. “I was never comfortable knowing Elfangor’s mutant bastard was running free, even if he was a little shithead.”

I couldn’t help it. Human adrenaline is so hard to control. I pushed my shoulders back and I said, “I’m not a bastard. They were married.”

Tom’s Yeerk only rolled his stolen eyes. “You can’t even control your host?” he said. “Go see Visser Seventy-Two. She’s good with this kind of thing. I gotta get back before my host’s brother starts throwing a hissy fit. Figure it out, and soon. You’re really fucking obvious.”

Tom’s Yeerk went back to the car, muttering about low standards and moronic policies. The car started to drive away. Jake looked back at me.

<Yep, The Sharing,> I said.

I hoped I sounded confident.

 

— — — 

 

I flew into Rachel’s room ten minutes later. I felt sick and shaken, but it was easier to deal with as the hawk. The hawk didn’t care if Tom thought I was a freaked out, untrained Yeerk in it’s first host. The hawk had been hanging out in Z-space for a while, and now it wanted to kiss the sky and maybe catch some dinner. Life was simple. Life had rules and lines and a routine. Wake up, hunt, fly. Later, I might start spiraling with my memories of the incident, but for now, I could push it down.

<Hey,> I said, landing on my favorite spot on her desk. She had this jewelry tree that was just thick enough for my talons. I perched on it so much I was actually kind of ripping it apart, but so far no one had noticed, and Rachel said she didn’t mind. <I had to climb a tree so I could demorph in private. The clothes are still there. I can show you where they are if you want.>

Rachel glanced up at me with a small smile. She was so much more beautiful, now that I had my eyes back. I could see every line of her, crisp and clear. I could count the individual strands of her hair. I could see every facial twitch, every expression. She looked melancholy.

“It’s fine,” she said, shrugging. “I’ll get you more clothes. Sorry that this evening didn’t work out the way I wanted it to,” she said softly.

<It’s okay!> I said, secretly relieved. <I still had fun. So, what are you working on?>

She sighed, and then shuffled around her notes. “Algebra.”

<Why?> I asked. Math was her best subject and it was easy for her to whip up perfect answers, so she always saved it for her home ec, because she could reliably get the work done in time. She said home ec was boring and useless and she preferred to use it like a free period. She also shared that class with Marco, who she paid to do her work for her when the teacher’s back was turned. Marco liked both cooking and money, so the arrangement worked out for them.

“Mrs. Batra is making a super big deal about some big project,” she said. “I don’t want to risk her sucking up the class’ time and leaving me high and dry. You can read my history book, if you like.”

<I would,> I said. She leaned over and drew out the textbook from her backpack. All her books were covered with glossy white book covers, which she had decorated with little doodles of flowers and some of her favorite quotes. She placed it gently on the floor, opening it to the last chapter I read.

<Thanks,> I said, hopping down from her drawer. I shuffled my way toward the textbook. I could turn pages as long as the book was really big, it was placed on the floor, and the pages were really thick. Textbooks were perfect. Sure, it’d be easier if I morphed human, but then I could barely see the words and besides, with Rachel’s mom, it’d be way worse if she found a spandex clad boy in her bedroom than if she saw a hawk.

Both of us got lost in our own readings, enjoying being alone together. We lost track of time. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. 

“Rachel?” It was her mom.

“Yeah?” said Rachel.

“Unlock your door, please,” said her mom, sounding impatient.

Quickly, I flew up to Rachel’s canopy bed. It was the perfect place to hide, but still allowed me to see what was going on in her room.

Rachel opened the door, revealing a tired and harried Naomi. “I’m doing homework,” she said.

Naomi’s eyes flickered toward Rachel’s desk, confirming that she was, indeed, doing school work. She looked back at Rachel. “You’ve made a sudden recovery,” she said.

“Guess it was one of those twenty-four hour things,” said Rachel sweetly. “I made cupcakes, did you see?”

“I did,” said Naomi blandly. She looked at Rachel sternly for a moment, then completely broke her mom character and sighed. “I can’t even blame you. I can’t be mad. Steve’s a big person for trying with Ellen and George, but I just don’t see the point, and you know what? I really needed those cupcakes after the day I had. You’re a good kid,” she said.

“I know,” Rachel beamed, looking very proud of herself.

“So, do you know a Tobias Fangor?”

I almost fell off the canopy. Rachel stood up. “What did Jordan say to you!”

“What? Nothing!” Naomi blinked, then narrowed her eyes. “What’s up, Rachel. There’s some message on the answering machine. Something about you being seen at school dances with a missing boy named Tobias Fangor. Some woman is looking for him. Brandi Helvig.”

I went numb.

“I don’t know anything,” said Rachel.

“Sure,” Naomi drawled. 

They continued to talk. Naomi tried to draw information about this “strange boy” from Rachel, but Rachel expertly dodged her. Eventually, Naomi got tired, and went off on her own.

As soon as she was gone, I flew out the window.

I could hear Rachel calling after me, but I didn’t care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one day I was like "Do you know what Animorphs is missing? The Teen Trope of characters raising eggs/bags of flour/plastic babies." This somehow morphed into a much darker thing. Not only did [Cavatica](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Cavatica/) listen to me as I rambled about this idea, she also pushed me toward it's ultimate end, even if I thought I shouldn't go there, and then she even gave the fic an amazing beta! Thank you guys so much for reading!


	2. When We're Knickknacks And Whatnots No More

I was nearly late to the meeting at Cassie’s barn. Sleep basically wasn’t an option for me after everything that happened the day before, and the exhaustion made my resulting hunts pretty rocky. A falcon even pegged me as a weak and feeble hawk and decided to try make me lunch. I was pretty grumpy when I finally made it to my rafter.

The fact that there was a mechanical wail coming from a doll in Jake’s arms did not make me feel any better.

<Uh, what is happening?> I asked, my feathers bristling in annoyance. The screeching was so loud!

Rachel looked up at me immediately, her eyes heavy with concern. I still hadn’t explained why I ran off last night, and she was probably pretty worried. I felt bad, but I still didn’t want to deal with it. I pretended not to see her. Of course, Rachel knew I could see everything, and she glared at me.

<We’ll talk later,> I said. She gave a very small and very subtle nod, but she didn’t stop glaring.

Meanwhile, Jake was sticking something in the doll’s back. “This is — ow — okay, it’s not this one!”

“Try the diaper change key!” urged Cassie, leaning over him. “He hasn’t needed that one yet.”

“I’m doing that one now!” said Jake, growing more and more flustered.

“Our child would never have a tantrum like that,” said Marco. There was a doll next to him, lying unceremoniously on a hay loft. “My beautiful wife and I are raising Bart Simpson with integrity and grace.”

<Whoa,> I said, suddenly realizing what was going on. <Are you guys raising fake babies for school?>

“Yep,” said Marco, rolling his eyes. “It’s the home ec final. All the eighth graders have to do it. I now feel ready to be a father.”

Ax was behind Jake, in human morph. Someone had brought him a bag of skittles, which was now empty. His face was totally multicolored, as if he’d just murdered a unicorn. He peered at Jake’s sobbing doll. “What is home ec?” asked Ax. “Ec. Ecccc. Eku-”

“Stop,” said Marco, holding out a hand. “Just say it once. Home Economics is a class where Earth children learn how to turn on their ovens.”

“Ah,” said Ax, as if he understood, when I knew he hadn’t understood at all. We’d go over it again later. Sometimes it’s just easier for him and I to do a sort of review session after these barn meetings than it is to expect any of the other kids to answer his questions seriously. Even when they tried, Marco would always jump in with a joke that just confused Ax even further. Ax studied Jake’s work with the doll with an openly fascinated expression. “Are human infants typically soothed with very sharp pointed objects pressed harshly into their backs? Soothed. Ssssothed.”

Jake finally got the key in the doll’s back and turned it. The doll stopped crying. He looked at Ax wearily. “No.”

I scanned the barn. Jake’s doll was wearing a small bracelet that said ‘Jake Berenson and Cassie Gardner. Flint Gardner’ I liked that name. Flint. It suited them. The baby’s name was in Jake’s handwriting, so I knew it was him that gave it Cassie’s last name. She would like that, and he would do it. 

I looked at doll next to Marco. I could see ‘Marco Champlin and Rachel Berenson’. Under it I could see Marco had written ‘The Destroyer’ with his characteristic messy scrawl, and Rachel had crossed it out and written ‘Joan’ in her much neater handwriting. The doll was outfitted with a pink onesie. It was clear Rachel had folded and pinned it to fit her doll perfectly.

Rachel looked strangely guilty.

My stomach sank. I couldn’t help it. I knew it was ridiculous, I knew it, but I was suddenly wholly and completely jealous of Marco. It’s not like I thought Rachel and Marco were going to run off together or anything, it wasn’t that kind of jealousy. Marco had always made it pretty clear that if Rachel wanted him, she could have him, and she never took him up on that. For whatever reason, she chose me, and she continued to choose me, and I trusted her because of that.

It’s just that the project seemed kind of fun. Stupid, but fun. I didn’t always love being human, but I had sudden flashes of me as a full time student, following Rachel around school, carrying the doll around for her, doing homework together in free period. It was rare that I missed my human life this much, but something about Joan the fake infant was really getting to me.

I ruffled my feathers, trying to push the thoughts away. Ax looked over at Marco and Rachel’s baby. 

I kept my thought-speak tone light. Sometimes, if you really, really paid attention, people’s real emotions came out in their thought-speak, and I wanted to make sure no one felt it. <I totally support this arrangement,> I said to Rachel privately. <Nag his lazy butt until he schemes his way into riches, then you and I run with the money and Joan. We’ll retire in France. They have red-tailed hawks there, right?>

She smiled, clearly relieved at my good-natured reaction. She gave me a small thumbs up.

“Okay, we need to focus,” said Jake, placing Flint in his own plastic car seat. “We have some pretty important information from Erek.”

Marco grabbed “Joan” and adjusted her to sit on his lap. He turned her head toward Jake.

“The Sharing membership is at an all time low,” said Jake, pacing. “People are sort of catching on that it’s not all barbecues and volleyball. I mean, even my parents have told me they’re worried about Tom. Its usefulness is coming to an end. They’re projecting just another year on the upkeep. Until then, they know a little bit more about humans. They’re getting specific. They started something new.”

“What is it?” asked Marco. “The Givening? The Partaking? The … The …” He started snapping his fingers.

“The Spreading,” offered Rachel.

Marco gave one more snap and pointed at her. “That’s it! Awww, I’m so glad I married you.”

“Check the prenup,” said Rachel, without missing a beat. “It says that if you annoy me I get to drown you in a toilet.”

“Guys,” Jake said harshly, “Focus. Listen, the Yeerks have come up with a new plan. This one could be really, really bad. Instead of targeting sad and lonely civilians, they’re going to target the incredibly rich. People like high powered executives, lawyers with connections, or actors and actresses with influence.”

“How so?” asked Cassie.

Jake started pacing. “They’ve been planting the seeds behind our backs for a while. Taking their richest hosts, having them talk up some big event. They’re calling it The Exchange, but it’s basically, you know. A singles mingle.”

“Shit,” said Rachel, making a face. “My mom used to go to things like that. They’re, uh. Pretty pathetic.”

“Oh, definitely,” said Marco. “That’s how dad met Nora, and they are the dictionary definition of lame. They bought actual pies on March 14th because it was ‘Pi Day.’”

“That’s so cute!” said Cassie. Marco just rolled his eyes.

Jake stopped pacing for a second, a signal to get us back on track. “They’re making it this really elite thing. Just one ticket is pocket change for these people, but a year’s income for someone like my parents.” I saw Cassie raise her eyebrows in shock. If I had eyebrows, I would have been right there with her. Jake’s parents didn’t make as much money as Rachel’s, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. If _they_ couldn’t afford this shindig, then it was definitely a super big deal. 

“It’s taking place at some ballroom at the oceanside resort next to the Gardens,” continued Jake, “And renting that place is not cheap. Like, I think one of the Lakers got married there last week. The dress code is really strict, too. It’s got this whole masquerade theme, and there’s definitely an unspoken competition over who can have the best custom-designed mask. According to Eric, basically every influential but single person in California has bought a ticket. Millions upon millions of dollars will be in that room. It could be a huge sweep for the Yeerks.”

Marco shook his head. “Won’t work,” he said. “Everyone will leave, immediately, unless they have a gaggle of freshly legal models lounging around. The average high-powered business man isn’t looking for an equal partner but, you know. Someone more along the lines of this little lady here here,” he said, jerking “Joan” up rapidly.

“Don’t!” hissed Rachel. “If you drop them or move them too fast, you get docked points for being abusive.”

“Oh no,” said Marco sarcastically. “My poor GPA.”

“Don’t ruin my grades just because you don’t care about yours!”

Jake held up a hand, telling Rachel and Marco to stop. “You’re right, Marco. Erek said they factored that in, and have invited lots of L.A. starlets.”

“Let’s do it!” said Marco, imitating Rachel’s cadence.

Jake glared at him. “We’re trying to break the party up, not join it.”

“You never let us have any fun,” pouted Marco.

“Like you could score an actress, anyway,” said Rachel.

“Don’t be jealous, honey, you know I’ll always make time for you,” said Marco.

“Oh, please, don’t bother,” muttered Rachel, on cue as always, but this time she shifted uncomfortably. Marco was really starting to get to her. 

Cassie must have noticed, too. “The baby project is hilarious,” she said, “But we should really just ignore them and plan this mission out. We just got a really sick deer in, and dad’s already weirdly attached to it. He’s been checking on her practically every twenty minutes.”

Rachel gave Cassie an appreciative look. I would have, too, but my face is mostly a beak.

Marco just shrugged. “Then let’s wrap this up. Easiest solution is human.”

“No,” said Cassie. “We don’t do that.”

“I know,” said Marco. “So we don’t. We just go in as we are. You said it’s a masquerade, right? And the ‘barely legal’ crowd have a couple of free passes? See if Erek can get his hands on some for us. The last thing the Yeerks will expect is for us to just waltz in as humans. It’ll be the easiest break-in of our lives. We roll up, looking all masked and fancy, morph in the bathroom, then bam! Wreak some havoc. I’m thinking mice crawling on the food. Something simple. Elegant.”

Jake nodded his head slowly. “Okay,” he said. “I like that. But we should also take this time to get some extra information. Erek gave me three names of confirmed controllers, but he thinks there’s going to be a lot more at the party. We should wander around and mingle, try to figure out who is talking about ‘opportunities’ or tries to take us somewhere secret.”

<I’ll be look-out,> I said quickly. This mission was going way, way out of my comfort zone. <Just in case the Yeerks have something bigger planned.>

Everyone looked at me with various degrees of surprise. <What?> I said. <I don’t want to wear a suit!>

Marco and Jake both grimaced in agreement, while Rachel smiled. Cassie’s eyes lingered on me a little too long for comfort, and I looked away. I think she knew it went beyond just a suit. I’m just not the best in social situations regardless.

“That does beg the question of appropriate clothing,” said Jake. “If we’re just going to waltz right in, how are we going to look the part? I could ask for an extension on my allowance for a whole year and still probably not have enough to fit in.”

“My credit card,” said Rachel, almost immediately. She’d been waiting her whole life for a mission like this, I think. She hadn’t even suggested morphing elephant and stomping all over the party, which really showed just how excited she was about putting together some classy ensembles. “As long as we’re very, very careful with the outfits and only a few of us go in as human, we can just hide the tags, then return the clothes.” She thought for a moment. “So absolutely no shenanigans. None. I’ll have no way to explain the charges to my parents.” She looked very specifically at Ax. Ax was staring at his empty bag of Skittles forlornly. “No spills, no stains, no rips, no tears, nothing.”

“Do we not have formal clothing already?” Ax wondered. “We wore many fine fabrics to the school dance. Before I became delirious, I was quite enjoying the feel of my silken shirt against my skin.”

Marco raised his eyebrows at Rachel, ignoring Ax. “Your ‘emergency’ credit card has that kind of limit?”

“Well,” said Rachel, “Maybe not for six whole outfits. I mean — we’ll see.” She looked thoughtful. Budgeting and fashion? Rachel was in the zone.

“I love my wife,” said Marco. Just then, his baby started crying. He thrust Joan at Rachel, but Rachel pushed her right back to Marco.

“Okay,” said Jake, calling over the fake baby’s mechanical cries. “This sounds like an easy win. In, out. We’ll meet here, Saturday, at 4:00 PM.”

Cassie hopped off a hay bale and went to look at a goose with a broken wing. Marco got his doll to quiet down. Ax started turning the Skittles bag inside out in a desperate attempt to find more candy. Marco watched him for a moment, then walked over to Jake and put an arm around his shoulder. “Hey, buddy, let’s take the kids and have a dad day. Marco Jr.’s grandpa and step-grandma are going on a date tonight. Care to come over, crack open a few Cokes, and play video games uninterrupted on the big screen? Just like old times!”

Jake looked at Ax, then back at Marco. “Okay, man,” he said. “Sounds fun.”

They were being weird, but it wasn’t my concern. They left. Ax very politely threw his Skittles wrapper into the nearby garbage and looked at me expectantly. We normally left together, but Rachel was making her way toward me very quickly.

<Go ahead,> I said to Ax in private thought speak. <I’ll meet up with you soon.>

He nodded and headed toward the woods. Rachel crossed her arms and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. We usually kept our relationship quiet around the others, mostly just because Marco would always pounce on the joke and remind us that I was, in fact, a bird. Yeah. Hilarious. Around Cassie, we were a lot more open.

“Where did you go last night?” she asked. She put her hands on her hips. “I was worried.”

Cassie did a great job of pretending not to eavesdrop. I spoke to Rachel in private thought-speak. <I just remembered the name and freaked out,> I said. <She was one of my old social workers. It’s really not a big deal, just, you know. I’d had a hard day.>

Rachel’s expression softened. “Why?” she asked.

I should have told her about Tom. I should have shared that moment with her. She was my girlfriend, right? We were in a relationship. She’d ignored normal boys, over and over, in order to be with me. I trusted her with my life, and if I wanted her to trust me, then I should tell her everything.

I didn’t. I couldn’t. It was too weird. Too embarrassing.

<I was just tense,> I said. <You know how we have tense days, sometimes. The night before was really heavy on the nightmares. I was kind of shaken.>

She studied me. “But you were fine up until then,” she said.

<I need to catch up with Ax,> I said. <He probably has a ton of questions after this meeting, especially with the plastic babies.>

I flew away without giving her a chance to say anything. As I rose into the air, I could see her flop down on a bale of hay and cover her face with her hands. Cassie sat next to her and put her arms around Rachel’s shoulders.

I felt terrible, but watching her face when she learned Tom thought I was a Yeerk would make me feel worse, and learning about Brandi Helvig would just upset her.

I didn’t meet up with Ax at all. I rode a thermal as high as I could go, and then I let go and flew.

I was a hawk. A simple, steady hawk.

 

— — — 

 

I avoided both Rachel and Ax for the rest of Friday and even all Saturday morning. Ax is sometimes weirdly perceptive, and I didn’t want him asking me what was wrong. Once 4:00 PM rolled around, however, I had no choice but to interact with the others. I hoped I could keep my melancholy out of my thought-speak. I didn’t want to accidentally invite someone else to my pity party.

I landed in the barn at 3:57. I knew I wasn’t super early, but it was pretty weird to see no one there but Ax and Jake. We’re typically a pretty punctual group. We had all really learned how to respect minutes.

Jake was pacing. Both baby dolls were lying in their mock car seats. Where were Rachel and Marco? I tensed, immediately sensing that something was very, very wrong. 

<What’s up?> I asked. <Where is everybody?>

Jake looked up and forced a smile. I was never all that great at reading emotions as a human, nevermind now that I’m a full time bird, but Jake was equally as bad at being subtle. I could tell he was nervous.

“Hey Tobias,” he said, with a way too bright tone.

I glanced at Ax. His tail was raised up above his head, as if he were in battle, and it was vibrating with anger. Sure, Ax gets really upset sometimes, but he’s rarely _this_ ticked off. He saw me looking at him and he walked to a corner of the barn, staring at the wall and crossing his arms.

<What’s going on,> I asked, serious and flat.

Jake opened his mouth, then closed it. He studied both Ax and me for a minute, like he was considering his next move. Finally, he said “Everyone else is at the resort. We need you guys to stay behind.”

I flared my wings and elongated my neck, a menacing predator pose that erupted from me before I could even think about it. <I’m sorry?> I snapped.

Jake sighed. “I respect you too much to double talk this,” he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “This mission is really delicate when it comes to, you know. Social intelligence.”

<You said you weren’t going to double talk,> I said. I wanted him to say it out loud, as plainly as possible.

Jake pressed his lips together, closed his eyes, then met my gaze with straight on eye contact. “Because this mission is so simple and easy, we decided it was best to keep it small and tight. Remember the banquet with William Rodger Tennant? That was a mess. An operation like this is best done with a smaller number. You guys didn’t make the cut.”

<That was Marco’s fault,> I said harshly.

Jake looked at me, pointedly _not_ at Ax. “There were other factors.”

Ax turned back to face us, knowing exactly what Jake was referring. <I misunderstood yet another senseless idiom, yes, but if Marco had not abandoned my side in order to emptee-ze-peeg-buck->

Jake held his hands out in front of him. “Yeah, Marco messed up, big time. Because of him, something went wrong. Because of — certain choices made by the team as a whole, there was a major domino effect. So we’re keeping it small. Besides, Rachel really only had enough money for two acceptable outfits.”

<Rachel knows?>

Jake sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “No, but Cassie was with her, and they decided to only outfit Rachel and me. Both Cassie and Marco look way too young to pass for eighteen, so they’ll be with us in morph. Marco’s upset about that, too.”

<So why not us?> I said. <Maybe we’re weird humans, but we make just as convincing flies as everyone else. I didn’t even want to be in human morph, anyway!>

Jake studied me for a minute, then spoke with a brash and deadpan bluntness. “Because if a situation arises where we absolutely need more humans on the floor, using Ax — the two of you would hurt, not help, and I don’t want that temptation there.”

We were silent.

“Tobias, Ax, look,” said Jake, sounding so much older than he really was. “This is what I decided. The more Animorphs in the resort tonight, the more chance for mess. It’s an easy mission anyway. Low risk, high reward. We’ll take care of it, you guys just hang out here. Okay? Honestly, I’d’ve voted myself out of the whole deal, too, but Marco said they’d only trust me to make any hard choices that could arise.”

<So this is Marco’s idea,> I said.

Jake looked at me. “His idea, my call,” he said firmly.

<But we have much to be grateful for,> said Ax. He gestured broadly at the dolls. <We get to care for the infant simulacrum,> he said, with more bitterness than I thought he was even capable of. <Prince Jake has respectfully tasked us to help the students’ grades. I am full of gratitude.> He pointed one stalk eye at Jake.

Jake nodded and rubbed his nose bridge even harder. “Good sarcasm, Ax, honestly,” he said, trying to sound sincere. 

<Your attempt to soothe my offense with a compliment is not welcome,> said Ax smoothly.

Jake rubbed the bridge of his nose again, closing his eyes. He must have a terrible headache. Good. “That’s fair,” he said. “Look, guys, I have to go meet with the others.”

<Fine,> I said stiffly.

Jake held his arms up, as if there were literally nothing he could do about the situation. “Look, I don’t want anyone to feel sour about this.” He jerked his head toward the dolls, trying to look sheepish. “Besides, we really do need someone to watch the, uh, kids. All our parents refused to watch them. They all gave us speeches about responsibility.”

<Okay,> I said. Ax left the barn. Jake watched him. He ran a hand down his face.

“He’ll get over it,” Jake mumbled. He was right, probably. I mean, Ax really wasn’t human, not at all. He had his pride and his honor and was definitely stung, but it’s not like he could argue for being able to navigate high society.

Once Ax had stormed off, Jake looked at me. “Look,” he said softly. “This is more about him than you. We’ll need you to make sure he doesn’t try to join us, or give himself some kind of side mission. We really can’t have him mucking things up again.”

I ruffled my feathers. <You know, you guys never give him credit,> I said. <How was he supposed to know what ‘clean off plates’ meant? If Marco had been there, everything would have been fine. You know, Ax tries harder than anyone I’ve ever met to fit in. Telling me I’m benched just so I can babysit him doesn’t make me feel better, it just makes me even more mad.>

Jake sighed. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at the door to the barn. “Are we going to be cool?” 

I wanted to say no, but I knew Jake enough to understand what he really meant. He didn’t exactly care if I was mad at him. Well, maybe a little, somewhere deep inside, six feet under his soul, where the old Jake was buried. But mostly he wanted to know if I was going to do something stupid in retaliation.

<Yeah, we’re cool,> I said, without a shred of sincerity.

Jake nodded, apparently satisfied. He pushed back his shoulders, getting ready to morph. The telltale feather patterns started appearing on his skin.

<I’m cool,> I said. <But just you wait until Rachel finds out.>

I flew out of the barn, searching for Ax. The babies could cry themselves to death for all I cared. Let them fail.

Jake was trying to contact me. I ignored him. It’s just as easy to tune out thought-speak as it is to ignore real speech. I should know. Ax had way too many opinions about _The Days of Our Lives_.

Eventually, Jake flew out of thought-speak range. I found Ax grazing in the meadow. I fluttered down to a nearby tree, knowing he saw me.

We were silent for a moment, both lost in our own thoughts. It was Ax who broke the silence.

<I am frustrated with Prince Jake’s decision because it is embarrassing and rather unnecessary,> said Ax. <He is, however, correct. I am not human. I am much more angry at his decision to alienate you.>

I stretched my wings. <Ax-man, I feel the same way,> I said. <Hey, I’m Bird-Boy. I can be a human whenever I want, but I choose in the woods anyway. I totally get it. You? You didn’t choose to live on Earth, but you’re here now, and you try.>

Ax was silent for a moment. Then, he looked at me with his main eyes. <We should retrieve the robot newborns.>

<Why?> I asked. <Just let them fail.>

Ax’s giant eyes were solemn. <If Prince Jake is going to give us a pity task to complete in lieu of an actual mission, than I shall make sure it is completed.>

I almost laughed. It was very Ax of him. He would try to prove a point by being the best soldier possible, even in these circumstances. It almost relieved the tension and kind of inspired me. Like, if Ax was going to make the best of the situation, then so could I.

<You know, Ax-man, let’s treat ourselves. Nothing gets solved if we just sit around, moping.> I hopped off the tree and fluttered over to him. <We’ve got a bit of money saved up. Let’s go to the food court.>

Ax tried to hide his excitement, but I could tell that the idea pleased him. Both of us were soldiers, sure, but if someone was going to take that away from us then we might as well be kids for a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to [Cavatica](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Scappodaqui/pseuds/Cavatica) and also [Scappodaqui](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Scappodaqui/pseuds/Scappodaqui) for the beta!


	3. It's My Prayer To Be Human Again

Almost an hour later we were morphed, dressed, and sitting in the food court next to two plastic dolls. Of course, Ax had insisted we bring them. Seriously, if you give Ax a task, he absolutely will complete it, even if the task at hand was stupid and embarrassing. It did mean we had to take the bus into town, which would lead to a quick dressing room demorph and morph, and that was slightly satisfying. The group had long ago agreed Ax and I were to only demorph in public spaces if it was necessary. Spending all our money on McDonald’s and Dairy Queen wasn’t necessary, but it felt good to take this small risk just to show Jake what’s what.

When he and I are out alone, sometimes I think about what we must look like to others. Ax, shoving as much food into his mouth as he possibly could, experiencing taste and texture by gunning for it all at once. Me, enjoying myself much more slowly, thinking about my food and savoring it, all while staring straight forward with an expressionless face. Often times when we spoke, we used thought-speak, because Ax liked that it freed up his mouth for eating. To anyone watching, we were just two weird kids, eating bizarrely, exchanging exactly zero words.

Today, we had the added addition of two plastic babies.

Man, we must have looked really weird.

Ax was talking with his human morph, rather than using thought-speak. He even stopped eating after finishing only half of his cinnamon roll, which was a first. When I asked about it, he announced that he’d seen others take breaks while eating cinnamon rolls and he wished to see if the break enhanced the flavor. He kept looking at it forlornly, and sometimes his hand would jerk toward the pastry and then be immediately retracted, but he managed to control himself all the same. He even wasn’t repeating sounds much, as if to prove that he knew not to do it. Basically, he was being perfectly human. I was honestly proud. 

He was currently trying to figure out exactly what the baby dolls had in common with real human infants. He held up one of the little doll keys to me. Each doll had four keys, labeled with various things you might to do a baby to make them stop crying. When the babies started bawling, you were supposed to stick the different keys into their back until the stopped. He shook the key at me. “This is meant to represent a diaper change,” he said, in his too-precise human voice. “But what is a diaper change?” 

I felt my skin heat up and knew I was blushing. I explained it to him. He wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“Humans,” he scoffed. “Anda-” He looked around, checking to see if anyone was listening. “Ahem. In my culture, infants have a natural understanding of how to relieve themselves properly. We are instinctively drawn to leave our waste in —”

I held up a hand. “I’m good, man. I’m good.”

He held up a second key. “This is labeled ‘burping.’”

“Oh man,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “Ask Marco or Jake, okay? Or even Cassie. I don’t like talking about this stuff.”

Ax sighed, frustrated, then looked back down at the keys. Suddenly, he looked back up at me. “Where is Rachel’s father?”

I blinked. I think some shock even registered on my face. “I — I’m sorry?”

“Rachel’s father,” Ax urged. “I understand that he is not at home, raising his children, even if he is healthy and not in the military. I have been told that her parents are divorced. Through human media, I have grown to understand that divorce is when two parents simply decide to not speak to each other, oftentimes before the children have reached maturity. It is illegal, correct? Is Rachel’s family in danger of imprisonment?”

I stared at him, my mouth slightly open. I blinked. He matched my gaze with a measured ferocity, as if he were daring me to dodge the question again.

“Um,” I said, my mouth growing dry. “No, it’s not illegal.”

“That is abhorrent to me. Will you please explain?” he asked. 

“Jesus, Ax,” I said, leaning back in my chair. “You’re really asking the hard questions today.”

Ax looked down at his hands. “I am not entirely placated by pastries, and I have not forgotten why we are here, alone, without the others. Perhaps if people would answer my questions, no matter how uncomfortable they are at times, I would be better equipped to navigate human spaces.”

I breathed out slowly through my nose. “Jeeze. Okay. Okay, man. You’re right. Well, first off, I guess two people can just sort of go ahead and not live with each other without making it legal, but they don’t really go to jail for it. And if married people don’t want to be married anymore, they can go talk to a government office and make it happen. Poof. No more marriage. Then the two parents sort of work out arrangements with the kids. Typically, they live with their mom full time, but visit the dad sometimes. In Rachel’s case, her dad comes to visit her and her sisters when he can get time off work. Also, most of the time the dad will send the mom money to help with the cost of raising kids, so it’s not like he completely abandons them. If he tries, there’s lots of legal repercussions.”

Ax frowned. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it, pressing his lips together very tightly. His eyebrows knit together. “That is —” he looked down at his hands, considering. Finally, he said, “That is very cruel.”

I shrugged. “It’s way more cruel to make a kid grow up listening to two adults fight,” I said.

“I fail to see how the occasional argument would be preferable to this cold and horrific arrangement,” said Ax, shocked. “Is this — is this how everyone else felt when I spoke of the dignity of a vecol’s isolation? I am deeply concerned and confused about this divorce, and yet, you do not seem at all bothered.”

I licked my lips. My mouth was getting really, really dry. “I lived it,” I said, quietly. “Two adults fighting. It really sucks. My aunt — her second husband divorced her when I was nine, but they really drew it out. It was really frustrating. Like, whenever I rode home on the school bus, I was always sort of scared. I never knew what home I was going to walk into. Will it be a safe place, or will it be a war zone? One day, they fought so hard the police were called. That’s when the social worker shipped me off to my uncle for the first time, back when he could still sort of hide his drinking. You remember alcohol and alcoholism, right?”

Ax nodded, very slowly. I winced. I shouldn’t be telling him any of this. People just got upset when I talked about my past, even when it didn’t really bug me anymore. It was more embarrassing than anything. Still, Ax had said he wanted answers to uncomfortable questions. After what Jake did, I felt like I owed it to him.

“My uncle is like that. He drinks way, way too much, but before that, he used to manage a grocery store. He sort of had it under control. So for a while, living with him was way better than living with my aunt, but he really hated having me around. When my aunt and Richard finally got divorced, I moved back in with her. It was a lot better to be there when the marriage was finally over, trust me.”

Ax’s lips were pressed together again. He was way better at making human expressions than me. I guess it’s because he allowed himself to connect to his human morph in a way I never really did.

“Humans are very selfish and very cruel,” he said, softly. He switched to thought-speak. <Andalite mates choose one another based on compatibility as parents, rather than as romantic partners. It is relatively rare for a marriage to also contain passionate elements. Many Andalites choose one spouse, but have separate partners for tenderness. Often, a romantic partner and their partner’s spouse never even intermingle. This allows children to grow up in a stable environment. If two spouses do decide to move on, they always wait until the child is an adult. The idea that a child would be forced to live in a hostile environment is -- I cannot --> He fell silent. He stared at his half finished Cinnabon for a moment, and then he pushed it away. Man, this conversation was so rough on Ax, he’d lost his appetite.

I answered with my voice, just to make sure we didn’t look too insane, and I tried to keep my tone light and happy. “Well, for Rachel, it happened shortly after Sara was born, so Rachel and her sisters are pretty used to it, and Rachel has said she never really saw much fighting. They’re not, like, super sad about it. It’s just life for them, just like not having my mom around is life for me.”

Ax breathed out slowly. “Rachel is often unable to attend meetings due to obligations at home. She is still a child. Her parent’s decision to ‘divorce’ has forced her to act as an adult in lieu of a second parent. This has always made me incredibly uncomfortable.”

I pushed my shoulders back. My heavy human bones cracked uselessly against each other. When you spend most of your time in the much more efficient bird form, you really feel just how dense and stupid the human skeleton is. Two hundred and six bones are just smashed together artlessly, forming a weak and messy structure that isn’t sustainable. I mean, they spend all day rubbing against each other in ways that were so weird that they ultimately became painful. So many older people experience all kinds of pain, all just because the human skeleton is so incredibly flawed. Human bones are worn down just by the act of existence itself. 

I frowned at Ax. “Lots of kids have to do stuff like that, even when the parents are still together. Sometimes parents have to work a ton of jobs just to support their children, so the kids end up at home and take care of one another.”

Ax scoffed. “Yes, because of your culture’s idiotic confidence in capitalism, and your government’s reckless belief that religious edicts should take precedence over sensible birth rate regulations. Cassie has explained this all to me before.”

“I don’t know man,” I said. I pushed back on the bones in my fingers, pushing them back so far and so harshly I started to feel a dull pain. “Maybe go talk to Cassie again. I gave up capitalism and religious edicts to go live in the woods with you and the squirrels, okay?”

“Where was Marco’s family?” asked Ax, sounding blunt even for him. Jesus. I’d given him an inch and now he was taking a mile, and then some.

I sighed and looked around the food court. “I don’t know!” I said. “Marco and I don’t really talk about our tragic family lives! Maybe both his parents were only children and their parents are both dead. I have no idea.”

“I listen when people think I am not,” said Ax haughtily. “I am always listening, to everything that is said, looking for clues to all the things no one will tell me. Marco has mentioned his grandmother before. He has spoken of cousins. When his mother ‘died’,” said Ax, expertly using finger quotes around the word died, which was honestly pretty impressive. Most of the time, he put earnestly put finger quotes around words for positive emphasis, which was the complete opposite of their intended use. Someone must have taught him the right way to do it. Ax really did listen. “Why did no one remove him from his unfit father and raise him as their own? No Andalite would have ever let Marco live the way he did.”

“Sometimes relatives aren’t really that fit to be parents,” I mumbled.

One of the dolls went off. I started fishing through the keys, trying hard not to think of all the people who turned to look at us when the baby started crying. I even heard footsteps get near us, like someone was coming to make sure everything was okay. I knew I was blushing again, so I forced myself to stay focused on the doll. I had a much more confident aura about me these days, but my face glowing tomato red would definitely send me right back to Wimp Town. I turned the crying baby over and stuck a key in. The keys really were hard to work. They were small, and bit roughly into my soft skin.

The pre-recorded crying sound effect cut off all at once, no fade out, and the lack of sound was somehow louder than the baby’s mechanical wailing.

More footsteps. I heard an all too familiar voice. “Tobias?”

I stiffened.

“Tobias Fangor?” the voice repeated.

I looked up with just my eyes, keeping my head still.

She looked the same as she always did. Pale blonde hair, like my uncle’s, cropped around her face in something she thought was a youthful pixie cut, but was actually very soccer mom. She was skinny, but unlike my uncle or me, it didn’t make her look weak and scrawny. Well, I guess it did, but on women that look was preferred. Her makeup was impeccable. I would know. She taught me how to apply it when I was nine, just because she liked feeling pampered.

“What,” I said, my voice coming out harsh and rough.

I could see Ax frowning and frantically looking at her, then at me.

She gave me a bright, toothy smile. She had a great smile, and she took care of her teeth and lips like some people do their hair. Lots of dentist appointments, lots of lipsticks. She went in for regular teeth whitenings, which were expensive, and then never had money for health care for me. I always thought her smile looked way too creepy. Mostly because it never really reached her eyes.

“I’ve been looking for you all week!” she said. “When I found out Nick lost track of you, I almost lost my mind. How could he? How could he possibly be so —”

“Because he’s a drunk,” I said. “You knew that when you sent me back to him.”

The woman blinked and looked taken aback. I rarely talked back to her, and when I did, it was never with a lot of confidence. She wasn’t used to me standing up for myself.

<Who is this?> asked Ax in thought-speak. I ignored him. He leaned toward me and spoke in his human voice. “Cultural regulations require you to introduce me to your acquaintance, Tobias,” he said.

I still said nothing. The woman looked at Ax and gave him another too bright smile. “I’m his Aunt Brandi!” she effused, as if any friend of mine should know her name, and be warmed at her reputation.

To his credit, Ax was barely batted an eye. “Ah,” he said mildly. “I do not believe I am pleased to meet you.”

She looked at him, clearly offended and horrified. All her warmth was gone, suddenly and entirely. “Who is this, Tobias?” she spat.

“My uncle,” I said.

She peered down at me, staring at my eyes. “Is that some kind of gang term?” she asked. I met her gaze evenly and stayed quiet. My aunt leaned away and shook her head. “There is something very, very wrong with you two. Everyone can see that. My God, Tobias, what are you on? Is it meth? Heroin?”

“Escafil,” I said.

My aunt literally stamped her foot, like a three year old having a tantrum. “Oh, this ends now, Tobias Henry. I came all the way from the other side of the country just to find you. I’ve been looking and looking for days, taking time off work, taking time out of my life, and this is how you repay me?” She grabbed my wrist. “Come on.”

I tore my arm away from her. “Touch me again and I’ll scream,” I said darkly. She stared at me in disbelief. I stared back.

She glanced down at her watch and muttered to herself. “Bad timing,” she said. “Very bad timing. The-”

Then she looked up, her face blossoming with warmth and love once again. She reached into her purse. “I’m concerned about you. So, so, so very and incredibly concerned.” She held a card out to me. I didn’t take it. She sent it down on the table. “Honey, when you come down, I want you to call me, okay? When this whole situation you’ve gotten yourself in starts to get dark and scary, please reach out to me. I’ll come get you. Any time of the day, any day of the week. Okay?”

I said nothing. She sighed heavily at me, then left. I watched her leave, watched her too thin form weave and dodge the other mall goers until she completely disappeared. Then, I fell forward, burying my face in my hands. 

“Your aunt upsets you,” Ax asked.

My heart jackhammered against my chest, making my whole body thrum and pulse. I could feel my heart anywhere and everywhere. I could feel it beating against the morphing suit under my clothes. Needless. It was all so needless. Why did human bodies make so much noise over nothing?

I sat up straight and willed my body to calm down. It didn’t listen.

<It’s not a big deal,> I said. I didn’t trust my throat. <I just don’t like her.>

My eyes felt hot and dry. They wanted tears. I could feel wetness gathering at the corners. I stayed very still, refusing to let the tears fall. In time, they subsided. It was so much easier to control my tears, now that I didn’t have to constantly deal with the threat of them.

“You are shaking,” Ax said, gently. It had the same kind of over dramatic tone an actor would have in a made for TV movie, which is probably where Ax picked up the knowledge humans shake when upset, but I couldn’t really argue. I was shaking pretty badly.

“I —” I started. I rubbed my eyes. I closed them. I took a deep breath. “You really want to know about messed up human lives?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“Yeah, well, here’s my story,” I said bitterly.

Maybe it was because I’d become so terrible at handling the flood of hormones and chemicals the human body flooded with at the mere hint of drama. Maybe it was because Ax had Rachel’s eyes. But mostly, I think, it was because I knew Ax would believe me, even after meeting her, even after seeing her smile. 

“You know, my uncle doesn’t bother me. Different uncle, not you. The drunk one that I mentioned. He works construction, comes home, drinks beer. He ignores me, unless he’s drunk enough to rant and scream at me about how much of an inconvenience I am. Sometimes I had to steal money out of his wallet to keep myself fed. When he caught me, he tried to beat me, but he was typically too drunk and slow to hurt me much. That’s about as exciting as it got. Nothing I couldn’t handle. He was awful, but he was predictable. I liked his cat. He stayed out of my life and I stayed out of his. My aunt?”

I looked down at my hands. They were still shaking. My voice came out pinched and quiet. “She kept me out of school, for weeks, just to help out around the house. She either ignored me or paraded me in front of her friends, as if my existence marked her as a glowing altruist. She was obsessed with weddings and husbands and would fall madly “in love” all the time. She’d basically disappear for months. She’d return to restock the kitchen and pay the bills, _if_ I was very lucky. Sometimes the men she wanted liked that she was raising a child, and she would suddenly become June Cleaver. If I said anything about her real personality, then she’d basically lock me up.” I laughed, then, small and bitter. I hadn’t thought about this since I’d gotten permanent access to the sky. “As soon as her new beau left, she’d grab my arm and shove me into the coat closet. She’d leave me there for hours in the dark, with nothing to do. Sometimes she’d completely forget I was in there, for days. I’d sneak out when she was at work to pee, but then I’d go right back in, because I was so afraid of what would happen if the closet stopped being enough punishment.”

I glanced at Ax. He looked physically ill. I looked away.

“The worst part is, no one ever believed me when I told them. I tried, a few times, but she’s so —” I waved my hand vaguely. “Nice. Like, she can be really nice. She’s really good with people when she wants to be. That’s why she’s been married so many times. She finds these guys who are really sad and really lonely and she figures out a way to make them feel like they’re the center of the universe. She’s a better charmer than Marco, Rachel, and Cassie combined.”

Mechanical audio erupted fuzzy and dull from a speaker located on the back of a doll. The sound of an adult human mimicking the cries of a baby. I found the offending “child” and I picked it up, sticking the first key in. It quieted immediately. I set it back down. 

I stared at the doll.

“I liked her when I was really little,” I said softly. “She liked me back then, too. She likes babies. They’re small, and they need her, and they don’t know how to do anything but love. That’s the only kind of person she can stand. When I got old enough to go to school and to talk, she stopped caring.”

I looked back up at Ax. I blinked when I saw him, barely managing to suppress a gasp.

He was crying.

He was always so much closer to his human morph than me.

I scrambled to grab a napkin, handing it to him. “Jesus, I’m sorry, man,” I said. “I didn’t want to upset you. I don’t know why I said all of that, it was stupid. Look, don’t worry, okay? I’m fine now. I’ve got you and the rest. Right?”

He made no move to grab the napkin. He just looked at me, his eyes red rimmed and shining with tears. <An Andalite would never — never —>

“I know,” I said gently. I wanted him to stop using thought-speak. I didn’t like feeling all the sadness and anger behind his words.

<Family is paramount,> continued Ax. <All children are precious. If a parent is found to be unfit, the parent is removed from society, immediately, and the child is given to a loving and stable family. We do not turn blind eyes to abuse simply because a woman is charming. We do not allow our children to grow in sadness. We do not allow them to grow in _closets_. >

“Hey, it’s okay.” I said. “I’m doing alright now, right?”

Ax looked down at the table. He had wiped away his tears with the napkin, leaving rough streaks on his face. His body was tense and controlled. He was silent and avoiding my eyes.

My stomach sank.

For the first time in two years, I had the feeling that Ax had something to say about my _nothlit_ state that he wasn’t sure he should express. Just like Jake, Rachel, Marco, and Cassie. I saw their little hesitancies, their avoided eye contact. Ax? Ax was supposed to have my back.

Whatever. All of them could judge. It was my version of freedom. It was my way of being healthy.

I swallowed. “Let’s go home,” I said. I hadn’t finished my food. It was cold, now, and with my current mood, I knew it would taste like chalk dust if I tried to eat it.

He nodded. He leaned over and grabbed my aunt’s business card. He frowned. “Tobias,” he said.

I looked at him. He handed me the card.

It said ‘Brandi Helvig. Founder. The Sharing - New Jersey Branch.’

 

— — —

 

We stuffed the dolls behind a dumpster outside the mall, both fairly certain they’d be okay for a while. The dolls claimed to be random, but Ax was pretty sure they ran on a hour and a half timer, and were both relatively close in their rotation. We could track my aunt down and still be back in time to make sure everyone got A pluses.

We went bird. I stretched my wings and rose high into the sky, trying to feel better now that I wasn’t stuck as a heavy and awkward human, but it was hard. We were still off to see my aunt. Again. Willingly.

Sure, she was a Yeerk. But a Yeerk did a damn good job of pretending to be their host, sometimes. Too good.

We found her quickly. Even with a head start, a human has no way to outpace a hawk.

We tracked her to a hotel. Watched her go up to her room. She got on her phone. I got close to the window and listened to her conversation.

“… found the boy,” she was saying. A pause. “Visser Three was a fool for dropping that lead. He is a punk, but he is Elfangor’s punk. My host and I agree that there has been a tangible change in him. Something odd has happened.”

<My host and I agree?> I echoed to Ax, who was perched on the other side of the window.

<She’s voluntary,> spat Ax.

<Figures,> I said.

“This is no dead end,” said my aunt’s Yeerk, rolling her eyes. “Did we not originally reach out to Brandi due to her closeness to the Fangor boy? And then the thread was dropped, entirely! I was left alone in Newark with a portable Kandrona and nothing to do.” A pause. “The Visser will go over the Pool plans with me tonight, yes. They are expansive and impressive and will gain me _at least_ a sub-visser title. But if I can find the Fangor boy and uncover his secrets, then the Council of Thirteen themselves will notice me!” A pause. “I do not care what everyone said. Elfangor left a son here on Earth. Esplin is a fool for ignoring this.”

Another pause. Then, “He is a spineless little brat, not a tough, homeless youth. The real Tobias wouldn’t have lasted a day in the actual world.” Pause. “I won’t be returning home until I figure this out.”

Pause.

A whisper.

“He could be Elfangor in morph.”

I suddenly missed my cracked lips and dangerous teeth. I liked that idea, and I wanted to smile.

Ax, however, was not so elated. <She is too close,> he said. The emotions beneath his thought-speak were dark. Dangerous.

<She won’t find me,> I said. <She won’t be looking for a hawk in the woods.>

<It is where an Andalite would naturally hide,> said Ax calmly. <She could find me, and then discover the rest of us. Visser Three is dangerous, but a low level Yeerk with a taste for power is much, much more concerning.>

My aunt hung up the phone and sat on the hotel bed. With her right hand, she picked up a remote and turned on the television. She started flipping through channels, aimless, hardly staying on one program long enough to register what it actually was.. Suddenly, her left hand slapped her right, loosening the remote. The left hand took the remote and made the channels go backwards. The left hand settled on VH1. My aunt’s favorite channel.

I shivered. It was one action my bird and my human body shared.

I thought of Taylor and her Yeerk, alone in her bedroom, sharing one body.

My aunt and her Yeerk watched Pop-Up Video, learning nonsense facts about Melissa Etheridge and Nirvana, for almost ten minutes. I was sucked in, transfixed, and fascinated by this creature from the past interacting with her brand new alien update. Ax was indiscernible. I think he was still shaken from my stories of Brandi. I shouldn’t have told him. Telling people about my stuff is never a good idea.

<We should go,> I said, finally, after another video went by. This one was The Spice Girls. Say You’ll Be There. I always liked that song, though I wouldn’t admit it. People like Marco or even Jake would never let me live it down.

Ax hesitated, then said, <She is too close to us. To me. I do not feel comfortable leaving her alone.>

I preened an out of place feather. <We’ll talk to Jake about it.>

<I do not wish to talk to Jake about this,> said Ax darklky. <It will mean talking to Cassie, and I believe immediate action is imperative in this situation. Where is New Jersey, Tobias?>

<Pretty far away,> I said. <Like, four different time zones far away.>

<We cannot go there, can we?> asked Ax.

<Um, maybe if we did the plane thing,> I said. <But we’d have to demorph somewhere, at least once. Preferably twice.>

<We have this Yeerk now,> said Ax calmly. <We cannot always protect this country of New Jersey, but we can do what we can tonight. Now.>

I was quiet. I felt uncertain, unsure. There was a dark hatred in Ax’s tone that I had never felt from him before. Child rearing must be a sacred art to Andalites. I shouldn’t have opened up to him. I should not have told him anything. It was the human hormones, the human adrenaline. I had upset him. He wasn’t thinking straight.

But you know what? Neither was I.

I found myself morphing.

My height went first. Good. It meant less chance of losing my balance. I shifted my weight toward the window as I shrank, ensuring that I stayed on the ledge.

My skeleton hardened and moved outside my skin. Antennae. Pincers. Cockroach.

I found a crack easily. I got inside the hotel room. I ran to the darkness of the bathroom. I demorphed. I morphed human. I walked out.

My aunt/The Yeerk screamed when they saw me, more out of surprise than fear. After all, I was an unarmed, human child. I ignored her. I went to the window and tried to open it. Like all hotels, it was sealed shut.

“Tobias?” screeched Brandi/The Yeerk. I went to her television. I pulled it out, forcing it to unplug from the wall. The playful mix of The Spice Girl’s and VH1’s iconic popping noise was suddenly and harshly silenced.

Brandi/The Yeerk continued to scream. She got off the bed and lunged toward me, trying to wrestle me down, but I stayed steady. Maybe I was scrawny and small, but so was she, and I was a lot more determined. I turned to the window. I threw the TV as hard as I could.

The window shattered. Ax flew in and started to demorph.

Brandi/The Yeerk glared at me. “You morphed to get inside,” she hissed, angry and embarrassed. “You really are Elfangor.”

“No,” I said, watching Ax finish his morph. “But I’m his son. And that’s his brother.” I jerked a thumb toward Ax. “We’re very interested in this plan for a new Yeerk pool.”

Brandi — whoever Brandi was now, something between human and Yeerk — smirked at me. “Ah. So you honestly think the Empire would not expand outside Southern California? You Bandits cannot reach the entire world, now, can you.”

She stared at me for a moment, then her eyes flickered toward her suitcase, located on the hotel room’s desk. Even with my blurred and useless human eyes, you’d still have to wake up pretty early in the morning to get a telltale movement like that past me.

“Hey Ax, she’s got a dracon beam in the suitcase,” I said.

In a flash, Brandi was pressed against the wall by Ax’s tail. She struggled, but she didn’t budge.

If you really knew Ax, you could tell when he was one ticked off Andalite. His eyes were whirling extra fast. His breathing was audible. His body was way too tense. Watching Ax with my aunt was almost like watching him interact with Visser Three, only he seemed even more upset.

“How many other Yeerk pools are there?” I asked, stepping toward Brandi and her Yeerk.

She sneered. “We’re building more and more every day.”

“Ax?” I asked. Ax’s tail blurred. Suddenly, it was at her neck, and he was no longer using the flat of his blade to apply pressure. Blood leaked from her skin, dripping down her neck slowly like rain on a window.

Brandi/The Yeerk sneered. “Construction is already underway in Hong Kong,” she said. “There are rumors of a new location in Mumbai. And, of course, some of us feel the United States would benefit from a second, well-placed Pool.”

I almost laughed. I withstood hours of intense psychological torture before I even attempted to break, yet it took little more than the edge of Ax’s tail to get Brandi and her Yeerk talking. They deserved each other.

“So you’re in charge of this new project?” I asked. Ax pressed his tail into her. She sucked air through her teeth. Her eyes narrowed. Then, they softened. They became something close to kind and open. I knew, suddenly, with deep conviction, that my aunt had been given complete control. I knew that look anywhere. It was the look she gave when she really, really wanted something.

“Bi-bi,” she said softly, using a nickname I only knew from my aunt’s copious home movies. When I was a baby, she filled VHS tape after VHS tape with every nonsense milestone, cooing over how precious and fleeting these moments were, showering me with her love and attention. She must have known just how quickly she’d lose interest in my presence. She would watch them late at night, sometimes, while silently drinking red wine.

“Bi-bi,” she continued, even softer, “You are so confused. So, so confused, my little Tobias.”

I couldn’t help it. This time, I did laugh. Ax pressed his tail harder again. She made a choking noise and more blood oozed from her skin.

She regained her composure quickly. My aunt never did back down from a challenge.

“These blue idiots?” she said, glancing at Ax nervously. “They aren’t the good guys. I promise you. My life with Akal has been enlightening! Amazing! I have seen and done so many things. Bi-bi, if you — if you do anything to us — you destroying all our work —”

She choked again, but this time, it wasn’t because of Ax. Her Yeerk- Akal, apparently — was back in the driver’s seat. But it was too late. We already knew.

I smirked.

“This new Yeerk pool isn’t entirely approved, is it? You, and you alone, did the work and drew up the plans. No one else knows about this little pet project, do they?”

She stared at me, furious and silent.

“Because of course you worked alone,” I continued. “No help from others. Not because it wasn’t offered, but because you didn’t want it. If you shared the plans for the new Yeerk Pool, then you’d have to share credit, wouldn’t you? So you kept everything to yourself. You and Akal, a power hungry voluntary and a power hungry Yeerk, hogging all the work. You built this all on your own. The Yeerk was looking for a promotion and Brandi? Brandi was just looking for attention.”

Silence.

“The project begins and ends with you,” I reiterated.

Silence.

<We cannot allow for a new invasion site,> said Ax. <We can end it here.>

Akal — and I knew it was Akal, because my aunt would never be so brave — sneered. “You would not do it. You are nothing more Loren’s brat, and a bigger waste of space than even her.”

“Don’t you ever, _ever_ say my mother’s name again,” I said.

“She could take you back at any time,” said Akal, smiling. “Did you know that? She wants you even less than Brandi or Nick. She can contact any of us, at any time, and she doesn’t, because no one wants to waste their time on you.”

“ _Liar_ ,” I hissed. 

This really should be a group decision. Jake should be here. Jake should approve this.

But Jake was gone, off on some other mission, one that he didn’t think Ax or I could handle.

Akal’s eyes softened and she was Brandi again. The first thing my aunt did was start to cry. It was primal crying, true crying, desperate and raw crying. 

“Bi-bi,” whimpered my aunt, her face already tear stained. “My little Bi-bi. Let’s talk. Let’s work this out, okay? It’s still me here. I’m still Auntie Brandi.”

<Tobias,> said Ax, softly. <This is your decision to make.>

I balked. My heart beat rapidly. I opened my mouth, then closed it.

“Bi-bi,” choked my aunt.

I thought of Brandi. Of my time with her. I thought of her striking her husbands. I thought of my time in her closet, both terrified and bored. I thought of the weeks I spent helping her clean, pulled out of school for no reason. I’m older than the rest of the Animorphs, you know. I was held back twice, all because of Brandi.

In some ways, I was a _nothlit_ because of Brandi.

I felt weak. I felt energized. I felt strong and I felt small.

I stared at Brandi, stuck beneath Ax’s tail, caught unawares and helpless. We hadn’t given her a chance. She had no way to fight back. She was at ou mercy. She couldn’t terrorize anyone else. No more men caught in her web. No more Yeerks using her body for glory.

My breath was caught in my throat. My mouth was a dry cave.

I wanted her gone.

I wanted her here.

I wanted her the way she could be, warm and loving, smiling her too white smile.

She had loved me when I was small, back when I only knew how to love, and I would always love her in some small way. I would love her with a rogue piece of my heart that didn’t quite belong to me, didn’t quite match up with the rest of myself. She was so wonderful, so good and so wonderful, but only when she wanted to be.

My eyes wandered to the hotel room’s closet.

I started to demorph.

That errant piece of me was human, and I was not human. I was a red-tailed hawk. I was a predator. I wanted her to know. I wanted her to see what she made me.

I finished demorphing.

<This is my body,> I said to my Aunt Brandi and her Yeerk. <This is my true form. Because of you, I live in the sky, and because of you, I love it.>

“No,” said Brandi, her voice hushed and hoarse. “No!”

<Do it,> I said to Ax.

Ax flicked his tail without hesitation.

He didn’t make it very clean. I heard her gurgle, choking on her own blood.

We don’t kill human controllers. We just don’t. At this point, I can’t even tell you why. We maim them. We injure them. We permanently disable them. But still, we do not kill them. I think it’s because we don’t want the blood of our own species on our hands. Like it’s different, somehow, when it’s a Taxxon or Hork-Bajir.

I never asked Ax how he felt about that rule.

In that moment, in that hotel room, I knew. The only reason he didn’t kill the human controllers was because he knew it would upset us. That was it. Not because he thought humans as elevated or important. Why was a human different than a Hork-Bajir to him?

They weren’t. 

We were all just aliens.

The Yeerk fell out of Aunt Brandi’s head. It squirmed away. Ax killed it, too.

We flew out of the hotel, steady and calm. We returned to the dumpster and we morphed into our human suits. We carried toy babies and neither of us felt too disturbed by the murder we’d just committed. It was easy to separate ourselves from the situation. After all, we weren’t human.

\-- -- --

I went flying, after, and then I slept. While hunting, I saw the morning news through Cassie’s parents open window. Yet another escaped elephant had wrecked havoc at a resort off of the ocean. Clearly, Rachel had been as impressed by Jake’s decisions as me.

I flew into Rachel’s window. She was waiting for me. The bags under her eyes were so thick that she looked bruised, yet she mustered up all her beauty and confidence to glare at me ferociously. “How dare he,” she said, her voice well above a whisper.

<Don’t wake up your sisters,> I said gently. <It was fine. Ax and I had fun at the mall. A little birdie told me you had your own fun at the masquerade. It was me. I was the bird. I told myself, when I found out from the news earlier.>

Rachel sat down and buried her face in her hands, speaking much quieter now. “I morphed out of my own dress. I destroyed it, completely. My dad is going to _kill_ me.” She looked up at me. “He might make me get a _job_.”

<Oh no,> I deadpanned. <Responsibility.>

Rachel threw a hair tie at my face. “It’s not that! I’d be a great part timer. I always wanted to wear one of those headsets. It would just really interfere with Animorph stuff, you know?”

<We’ll talk to Ax,> I said. <Don’t tell Jake, but he can do a lot of unsavory things with credit lines. It’s how he keeps his TV all souped up.>

Rachel smiled appreciatively, then grabbed a nearby pillow and hugged it close to her chest. “You know what? I really wanted to have a dumb movie moment when you saw me all dolled up. You know. Me walking down the stairs, you staring at me, and then just saying ‘whoa!’”

<I always stare at you. It’s a hawk thing. Way less blinking.>

She stared down at her pillow. “Tobias, what’s been up with you lately? Friday, at the barn, you just _left_. And Thursday —”

<I know,> I said, quietly. I told her about Tom. After everything I’d been through with my aunt and Ax, Tom mistaking me for a Yeerk seemed trivial. Funny, even. Hadn’t I flapped my arms when I saw him? No wonder he thought I was an alien. I was on my father’s side, after all.

She grew more and more angry as the story went on. I loved that her reaction to things was never pity, but, rather, revenge. It’s why we got along so well. Maybe, one day, I’ll tell her about my upbringing with my aunt, and the stuff that really went on at my uncle’s house. She wouldn’t be horrified and saddened like Ax. She’d just want to grab the nearest weapon and destroy something. That reaction, I could get behind.

“I’m going to kill that cum covered slug,” she growled. “I’m going to march right over to my cousin’s house, shake the shitstain out of Tom’s head, and watch while he starves. I’m gonna —”

<You’re going to go flying with me,> I said, feeling strangely assertive. <We’ll shake it off.>

Five minutes later, she was morphed and ready. We road thermals as high as we could, then dove back toward the ground, filling our hearts with play and joy. When we were tired, we hunted together. We kept our hunting hobby quiet, certain that Cassie would dislike Rachel killing for pleasure, but there were more than enough rodents to go around most days. She demorphed and morphed three times, spending most of our day together in the air.

When the thermals started to dissipate, I morphed human, and we caught up on TV in Ax’s scoop. Rachel put her head in my lap, which I hated, but I forced myself to relax. Rachel wasn’t my aunt. Her touch and her love didn’t come with hidden messages and promises of later torture. She was just Rachel. 

Brave, elegant, simple Rachel. 

If anyone could make me feel human again, it was her.


End file.
